Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Introducing Pierre the Chef

Pierre is having another fit again. Says he doesn't get enough respect around here. He's threatening to go back to France.

... again.

Well, he does have a knack with the simple stuff. He's not really a chef, more of a short order cook. Pierre made an awesome pizza tonight for the crew. Raymond didn't eat anything all day until like 3:30 in the afternoon. He doesn't even remember what it was.

Pierre's recipes will be simple, tasty and even simpler to prepare. All the stuff gets left for Helen the Housekeeper to take care of. We're thinking of firing Helen. She doesn't do much of anything around here—mostly eats bonbons and watches soaps.

...yah, you're right
...she does sound more like Peg Bundy than Goldie Hawn

And so without further ado, Here's Pierre's first recipe.

...merci mon ami

Pierre's Pizza

Very tasty. Most of da ingredients are in your pan-tree

D'Stuff for da Dough

2 cups of 'ole w'eat flour
1 cup of water
1/2 tbsp. of yeasda
1 tbsp shoogar
1 tbsp. holive oil, margareen or budder
1 tsp. salt

First put de water in a pyrex mixing cup and add da yeasda. Put it in da microwave for 60 secon

...what, use a pot
...are you crazy!
...dat witch 'ellen, will be screamin' all afternoon
...go watch your soaps, woman

Mix da stuff togedder in a bowl—aluminum is easier to work wid. Da dough gets steeky.

...yeh, I do sound like dat French-Canadian guy on dat cooking show
...but I'm much bedder looking

Cover it wit a big lid or someting. Let it stand for an hour. Go play poker or some games on your computer or watch da soaps wit 'ellen.

D'Rest of da Stuff

1 coarsely chopped hunion
1 cup of Pierre's Make Anyting Wit It Sauce

...oh, I'm so sorry dese bozos didn't introduce me until now
...I forgot I 'aven't shown you 'ow to make my sauce
...OK we'll do dat nex time use a cup of dat prepared stuff in da jar dis time, but juss dis time. OK?

1/2 a ball of mozzarella cheese cut into chunks
a little bit of holive oil
some cornmeal
Unny mustard and Etalian spices keep da jars close, we use dem more dan once

'ours up. Sprinkle some cornmeal on da pan so it doesn't steek. Take da dough and tro' it into da pizza pan. Get da really good non-steek one. We use dat again and again. We talk about what you should 'ave in your kitchen to do Pierre's style of fine French cook-king sometime soon.

If you don't 'ave a microwave, get one. Da one wit da genius settings is good. No guesswork. Just poosh buttons and wait.

Take a flat measureen cup—da 1 cup is good. Put a little flour on da dough and spread it aroun on da pan. Push it into the hedges wit da cup. Sprinkle di Etalian spice all over, a little holive oil, spread da sauce all aroun, tro' d'onions on top and den da cheese. Squirt some unny mustard on top. Some more Etalian spice. Take a fork an' poosh da dough so eets tight to de hedges of da pan. Put it in d'oven.

...Oops, we forgot to pre-eat di oven to 425 degrees farenHite
...OK. So we wait a little longer
...Pierre can have some wine

Put it in d'oven for 20 minoots. When it's done. Take it out. Let it sit for a few minoots and cut into nice size pieces an enjoy.

Dat's eet!
Goonight my friends
See you nex' time
Bonsoir mes amis

...editing Pierre's speech is really tough
...spellchecker might as well take a holiday
...and we don't speak much French either

The image was taken form Flickr. I don't know how to find the creator. Read the story. It's cute. I did find the name of Pixel Packing Mama but no contact info. She obviously loves cats and has a unique approach to storytelling. I'm not sure if Cream is still with us, but they do say that cats have 9 lives. Looks like it's going to be interesting watching Cream's new life.

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