|She posted this on her page|
Losing someone special starts with the rage of how horrible that news is, especially since the loss of an individual who has earned that honour is so rare. A true friend really asks nothing of you other than to be their friend and when that person shares the pain they keep hidden inside, it can sometimes leave you without any response at all.
So you find ways to go forward and try to make sense out of how others near to them can ignore the calls for help and see them as just everyday complaining and excessive drama. The anxiety attacks are seen as overreaction and simply get brushed aside and the depression that person faces is mostly taken on alone. We are not trained in how to deal with that type of pain, especially in our earlier years. Many doctors continually prescribe medications for mental pain the same way they do for physical pain like fibromyalgia and migraines.
Personally, I believe most doctors are mostly just trained to give out prescriptions to keep feeding the pharmaceutical industry and it is purely a business for them. Compassion, caring and understanding are seldom ever found in a doctor’s office. The amount of time those in need wait in the “waiting room” is a prime of example of the lack of those characteristics in the medical profession. No doubt, it has a lot to do with the time and training that is required to get a license to practice medicine. It can dull your sense of consideration. Just once, I would like to meet a doctor that does more than just practice on its patients and actually get into the medical game with a full commitment. I guess those few are tied up with folks who have a lot of money.
But I have digressed once more, which seems to be quite common in my writing style. It’s time to honour the important folks I have lost over the years and you can do the same in your own way. One of the positive strengths of the human personality is its ability to find good out of bad. In order to deal with the negative parts, we look back on what made that person so exceptional—the good memories begin rising to the top.
So you find the joy you brought to each other in your times together, like the sound of someone’s laugh that comes from the toes and is like no other you have ever heard before. You remember the pleasure it gave you changing sadness into happiness by making someone laugh that hard. You remember simple sounds or a short phrase that brought a smile to your face, like the tone my computer made when I received a chat request from her that often just said “Call me, please”. How could you ever refuse such a simple request? I never did.
Meeting someone you can truly talk to about just almost anything is so rare in today’s I-Me-Mine world and that is something I will miss the most. I truly really did not care what she wanted to talk about because we almost always enjoyed our talks together. It went from helping her with the technical side of games we played together online to what our dreams were to spiritual beliefs to all manner of life experiences. Simply stated, we were just sharing with each other. We were trying to get to really know each other like no one else I have ever known before.
But sadly, real life situations in her local surroundings started to feed the depression and I felt like someone trying to pump up an inner tube she was floating on called life, but situations, medical conditions and others were all poking small holes into that tube. Eventually, it is more than one person can do to keep the tube inflated and that truly beautiful person can tread water no more.
And so you are left with just memories and what she would have wanted is that the good ones will always float to the top. Each day they do, but the sadness is still there for her. I can only hope that she has found the peace that she so richly deserves for what I will remember most is how a small statured person like her (5 foot one and a half inches tall) could have a heart so big with all that happened in her life. I told her several times that she must have an invisible tractor trailer to carry the rest of her heart because her body was just not big enough for all that caring.
I think tears are just the body’s way of releasing pain in a controlled manner while some would argue that they have cried uncontrollably. I think that is just a measure of releasing a lot of pain. I leave you with the first two lines of Go Rest High on that Mountain by Vince Gill. (Music has always been a strong part of my makeup even if I don’t perform it that well but it really helped during this sad period).
I know your life on earth was troubled,
Only you could know the pain
Only you could know the pain
And I wish that you will Go Rest High on that Mountain, girl. I have been blessed having known you and so have so many others that you may not think have felt that way. You filled up the room on your entrance and that is what I remember most about our first meeting. I had to get to know you and it was so worth it.